FOR REAL MEN ONLY: SEX AND CHASTITY
I’m Tito AJ, and let me talk about one of my favorite topics: good sex and chastity that makes you good. Why am I writing about two things that doesn’t sound like they should go together?It started off with Pastor Hokage. A Facebook page where group members casually post pictures of scantily clad girls, many of them downloaded from the girls’ Facebook accounts without permission. What for? Probably just to think about them as pure as possible. Not.
Then there’s the uproar against PUA, or Pick Up Academy (okay, that has to be the lamest name ever.) It’s a Facebook page that teaches its readers how to interact with women and eventually sleep with them (they don’t necessarily sleep. Haha. Sorry, can’t help it.)
A crisis of manhood
What is wrong with Filipino men these days? They won’t give up their seats for the ladies, they huddle together in Facebook groups like hormone-crazy adolescents, sharing pictures of females they have no courage of approaching or talking to in real life; and they hire sleazy men – fuccbbois, I believe, is the term – to teach them how to do just that.
Next thing you know, sex dolls will be the latest craze.
We have a crisis of manhood. A crisis where men remain boys because they were not taught by their dads how to become real men. They remain boys despite their age as a result of broken masculinity. And we do have to start somewhere. The very thing I would like to propose as solution to this crisis is something that is passed off either as lunacy or wishful thinking.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you the concept of chastity.
THE GIFT OF SEX AND CHASTITY VS. REGULAR ABSTINENCE
Nope, if you’re thinking abstinence, that’s not it. Not by a mile. Yes, chastity involves a certain amount of abstinence, but chastity is far from just abstaining from sex.
Chastity is regarding sex as both gift and responsibility; the closest thing I could think of is receiving a pet puppy as a gift, for example. Of course you do get warm, fuzzy feelings upon receiving a puppy and playing with the puppy and spending time with the puppy. But every gift also has its responsibilities: you have to take good care of the puppy. Feed the puppy and give her good food. Take her to the vet. Make sure she’s happy and healthy.
Sex is a gift for married couples because only married couples can properly deal with the responsibility. When you have sex with someone, you are saying to that person, “I give my ALL to you” and that includes the possibility of siring children and raising a family.
Sex and chastity are God’s gifts. Sex is for procreation and unity of man and wife. Chastity, therefore, is making use of sex properly and responsibly according to the present state of life we’re in. If we’re married, then to have chaste sex means to be faithful both physically and emotionally to your wife (no, you don’t think of another person while having sex with your wife. That’s so wrong, dude.) If we’re single, as old school as it may sound, we wait for the right person and the right time. In a world full of hook ups, fuccbois and easy women, it’s cool – nay, it’s revolutionary – to wait until marriage to have sex.
SO WHY WAIT IF EVERYONE’S DOING IT?
Why wait? Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, we’re up to our necks in HIV infections, more than 30 a day at the time of this writing. And I know what you’re thinking: that’s what condoms are for. Well, condoms are the most emasculating thing ever. It takes away a lot of the pleasure of normal sex. Plus there’s lots of STDs that can come from skin to skin contact, and don’t tell me you wear a condom all over your body.
Why wait? Because the best things in life should deserve our patience. Sex is cheapened and spoiled if you don’t wait for the right person and do it at the right time.
Why wait? Because frankly, I didn’t, and when I fell in love with a real woman, I totally regretted my decision not to wait for her. And I know a lot of people who feel the same way.
You don’t want HIV? Don’t want to get a girl (or several girls) pregnant? Keep your pants on.
Maybe it’s time for a new sexual revolution: one involving a return to the proper use of sex and chastity being the virtue of the day.
Maybe it’s time we keep a lid on our promiscuity.
However, I did say that chastity is more than just abstaining from sex, so here’s another secret: chastity teaches you a lot of things to prepare you for married life. Like respecting her body, her feelings and emotions, and her dignity. You will learn more about her than you would if you have pre-marital sex. And you have all the time and freedom to build on your dreams and fulfill them, without the fear of getting her pregnant or getting sick.
I know, I know. There are many married couples nowadays who had pre-marital sex and are now just fine. But they got to where they are despite pre-marital sex, not because of it.
Girls, if you want to really know if a man is a true gentleman, look at his heart and how chaste it is. Of course, try to see if he’s financially capable, if he’s God-fearing, if he aligns with your values, etc. But chastity should be one of your nonnegotiable things.
So how exactly do I achieve the impossible and be chaste?
It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
Sex is a natural biological urge, but no one really dies when you don’t respond to it. It can be controlled. You, who are gifted with intellect and will can control it. Dog’s can’t.
How do you even put the words SEX and CHASTITY in one sentence? And how is it possible to contain our sexual urges? Forget the ice-in-your-pants trick. It doesn’t work.
First, be busy. Be very busy. Use your free time to be busy learning something new or engaging in a new hobby. You could learn a new language, or be good at something you suck at, such as sewing or math. Engage in sports, preferably a new one. Take up singing or dancing lessons. Or painting. If you’re busy, you’re less likely to think about sex. And you’re on your way to become a more awesome gentleman too, for learning all those things.
Second, there’s this thing called custody of the eyes – heard of it? It sounds something like your grandma would blurt out, I know. It means guarding your eyes against things that could lead you to nasty sexual thoughts, that in turn can lead you towards masturbation. Yes, that includes porn, and yes, that includes that girl you saw at the mall wearing the shortest of shorts.
Wait, why is masturbation bad again? This topic alone deserves another article, which I promise will be posted sooner than later. For now, let’s just say it’s a matter of self-control. How can you control yourself against temptation towards pre-marital sex if you can’t even control your own urges?
Third, pray. If you’re Catholic, do more than pray. Go to confession and communion often. I cannot stress that enough. Lust is a spiritual enemy that requires a spiritual remedy.
The Scourge of Porn
Finally, I did mention porn, right? There’s a growing body of evidence that proves porn will mess your brain and your sex life big time. Like erectile dysfunction, for example. What’s worse than not being able to get it up when the time comes that you should get it up (like your honeymoon)?
Screw this, it’s stupid (and completely unrealistic) anyway!
I’m pretty sure it seems like an impossible job. And that you just want to give up. But please don’t. Every day that you practice chastity is a step towards self-mastery. And the manliest of men are not those who sleep around with lots of women (and men); a real man is someone who has control, and don’t take advantage of women who has little of it.
Now, I never said it was easy. It is a difficult task to stay chaste. Most of all, it is a life-long task. In this world that is highly charged with sexual images, sexual innuendo, and sexual people, you will run into temptation at some point, and you have better luck dodging the rain. You can’t do it alone.
That’s why you need the right posse for the job.
(to be continued)